Learning Curve

“Things I’ve learned so far as a mother with a third child” or alternatively “Things I wish I had know with my first two children:”

Babies really DO like to be swaddled. 

Babies using a pacifier is fine.  They love to suck (and not always the breast).

Letting a baby sleep in a swing (swaddled and w/ pacifier) is brilliant! 

Minimal crying in the car seat while on a five minute trip to the grocery store is fine and isn’t going to ruin the parent-child bond.

Babies aren’t too picky; they will let anyone hold them (and again, doing this won’t ruin the parent-child bond and your arms will get a break). 

Let your other children kiss, hug, hold, nuzzle and touch the baby as much as they want; even when you just want them to “leave her alone already!” 

 

New Baby

I just had a baby, so please forgive the lack of posts lately. Okay, I had the baby more than a month ago, but this is one of the first times I've been able to get on the computer and type with both hands! I hope to resume posting on a more consistent basis; with a new baby, two boys, homeschooling and marriage, I will certainly have enough material.

Training My Children

I’m not sure the title is what I’m trying to convey in this post but I couldn’t think of anything else.  There are two points I would like to share with you. 

The first: one day last week my boys were…well let’s just say they were not behaving very well and I had had enough.  I was done being their referee and parole officer.  All the usual “punishment” techniques weren’t working so I tried something new.  I told them that if they couldn’t get along they were going to have to do some manual labor.  Of course they tested me (and learned once again that I do follow through on what I say) and then proceeded to spend the next hour cleaning the apartment.  Not the usual pick-up-your-toys clean; oh no.   I had them clean the bathroom (minus the toilet b/c I’m not ready for that lesson yet), dust everything in the apartment, and then clean the kitchen cabinets (something that really needed to be done and that I had been putting off for several weeks).  Now, they didn’t do the kind of cleaning job I would have done, but for 5 & 3 year-olds, they did a pretty decent job; but it wasn’t about the cleaning anyway.  It was about getting them to work together (w/o fighting) which they did quite nicely. In fact, they enjoyed the work so maybe it wasn’t really a punishment after all, but at least I got those cabinets cleaned!

The second: I implemented a new morning policy for the boys today.  Normally in the morning they wake up before me and come to the “big room” (our living/dining/school/sewing/computer room) get their breakfast, run around, play on the computer and/or watch cartoons.  Sounds fine except when I wake up and it becomes time to get dressed/ready for the day- that’s when the whining and complaining begins.  Per our new morning policy the boys are required to get themselves dressed for the day, read at least one book (of which they must present to me an oral report) and clean their room which includes making the bed, putting their pajamas away and general tiding-up. 

The goal is to get them to start doing “chores” on their own and without me nagging them to get it done.  It also eliminates the whining that always follows turning off whatever electronic device is in use in order to get dressed/ready for the day ahead.  Now, some of you may say just don’t let them use any electronic device in the morning, but then you do not know me very well.  I NEED that extra hour of sleep in the morning, and with a baby on the way….oh, I cringe to think the sleep deprivation that is coming my way.

The new policy worked this morning and we’ve enjoyed a pleasant day so far.  I’ll let you know what changes might take place, good and/or bad. Below are some pics of the boys cleaning the cabinets. 

More Baked Goods continued..

Here is a cake we made together.  Even though it was a box cake mix (insert gasp here) we at least sifted it to make the cooking experience last longer and “feel” more real.  The chocolate frosting is homemade and ohhhhh sooooo good. 

More Baked Goods

There is a fantastic French bakery down the street from us (appropriately called The French Bakery) and Olivier and I spend enough money there that we had to create a separate category for it in Quicken.  Olivier and Hayden’s favorite is the Pain du Campaign, Tristan’s is brioche, and mine is the apricot brioche…or strawberry croissants… or palmier…oh I can’t decide.  Last week I decided that this almost daily habit was becoming too expensive (it wasn’t even a decision on my part really, just reality) and thought “hey, I could make this stuff myself.”  Ha Ha Ha.  I tried and was somewhat successful but my bread baking will never replace that of The French Bakery.  I’ll keep trying but in the meantime we’ll just have to give up heating our apartment to offset the cost of the bakery habit (it’s almost summer anyway, right?).  Below are pictures of the brioche.  They look beautiful and they were edible but even Tristan said he like the ones from the bakery better (little snob). 

Reading Chairs

Recently, my mother-in-law, Syma, gave the boys their own R2-D2 reading chairs (from Pottery Barn if you’re interested in getting some for yourself).  They LOVE these chairs and it has opened a new door on our reading time.  Since we don’t have any proper living room furniture (don’t ask) we’ve been sitting on the floor for our reading time, which isn’t very comfortable (especially when you are 7 months pregnant).  Anyway, now with the chairs I find both boys reading much more on their own and to each other because they have a comfortable spot to sit!  (I still need something to sit on but that will come in time).  Thank you Syma.

 

Tristan the Baker

Tristan and I do a lot of baking together; mainly chocolate chip cookies aka "Wookie Cookies” which were inspired by our Star Wars cookbook.  When we aren’t baking for real, he likes to play with his kitchen set, making us dinner, birthday cakes, or coffee. 

A friend of mine gives her kids cotton balls to play with, so to help with his creativity I gave Tristan some to use in his “cooking” but they ended up pulled apart strewn about the apartment.  Of course that didn’t  work so out well with me and my excessive need for things to be clean and in place.  So last night I decided to let him use a Costco sized bag of Dove chocolates for his imaginary baking.  (The rule was he could play with them, NOT eat them- and he abided).  That kid played all night with those silly chocolates- and Hayden even joined in.  I’m glad we put the chocolates (which have been sitting in my pantry since Christmas) to good use. 

 

Nesting

My pregnancy “nesting” instinct has kicked into high gear!  Since they baby will sleep in our room for the first few months (okay let’s be honest, the first two years) I can’t really set up a nursery, so instead I focused my energy on decorating the boys’ room.  They have never had a “decorated” room (they spent the first years in our room and once we moved to Seattle, they got bunk beds and their own room, but we never decorated it with anything other than hand-me-down blankets and a black sheet as a curtain to block out the morning sun) so this was a real treat for all of us.  (I even want to move in- it’s so cool).  Thanks Mom for the duvet cover that got this all started.

 

As you can tell, it’s a Star Wars theme.  I made the top bunk’s duvet cover by sewing two navy blue flat sheets together (much cheaper than buying a real duvet cover).  The vintage artwork on the wall is Star Wars prints Olivier’s parents gave him when he was a kid!  Thanks Syma for sending them to us!  We framed 8 of the prints and the kids LOVE looking at them and discussing the back story to each. The sketch above the pillows on the top bunk was done by a local pre-teen who was selling his art at the “Kid Farmer’s Market” in Redmond ($12- a steal).  Another item we framed was a poster and Star Wars stamp Olivier bought at the post office last year.  We got the Darth Vader bucket at Target during Halloween last year (Hayden was Darth Vader and Tristan was Obi Won).  Our last project (although I don’t know when we’ll actually get around to doing it) is to make a Death Star “globe” to hang from the ceiling.  Now I can’t wait to decorate another room!    

A Fabric Sample

This post is just to show off some fabrics that I fell in love with.  When it goes on sale (presently it’s $12/yd) I’ll grab several yards and save it for my little girl’s room.  The other two fabrics that go with this are a light beige and the palest beige/yellow each respectively with a faint floral and honey bee pattern. They were out of swatches otherwise they would be highlighted as well.  The fabric and color pallet are even prettier than anything you could find at Posh Tots (and much cheaper).  Now I just have to unpack my sewing machine..oh, and have the baby!

 

 

My Haircut from Tristan

This afternoon as I was playing chess with Hayden (he won) Tristan came up behind me and started playing with my hair.  He said he was going to give me a haircut as he ran his fingers through my hair and flipped it around; I said that would be great and continued with the chess game.  A few moments passed and Tristan bolted out of the room, and I kept playing (knight to D4 or nd4).  The next think I remember was hearing a “schwit” sound, and then another.  Oh my gosh!  Tristan was really cutting my hair. 

I turned around and he was proudly standing there with his scissors in hand, and smile on face.  I wasn’t mad but I screamed because I didn’t know what else to do.  I looked down and there was a pile of clean hair on the floor.  I ran my fingers through my hair and out came another clump.  Just as I began to scream again I looked at Tristan and his smile melted into utter shame.  He began to cry…uncontrollably.  He stared to run off but I grabbed him and cradled him in my arms saying “It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m not mad, I love you.”  He could not stop crying and begged me to let him go to his room to be alone.  I obliged, but only for a few minutes. 

As I walked into his room he hid his face in the bed covers and wept.  I curled up next to him and kissed his head, stroked his back and just cuddled.  Finally after what seemed like an eternity he calmed down enough to tell me he was sad and he would always feel sad from now on.  My heart was breaking and I wasn’t sure what to say.  (my assurances that I wasn’t mad or upset weren’t working).  I realized that his reaction wasn’t about how I was feeling, rather what he was feeling.  Total sadness. 

This was a great opening for us to talk about feelings (yes, republicans have and talk about feelings).  I tried to explain that feelings come and go; that he may be feeling sad now, but sadness would go away and happy would “come in” (pointing to his heart) or silly, or mad, or poopy (the poop word always makes him laugh and I was desperate to make him laugh- it did the trick). 

Now that he was smiling again I challenged him to a game of chess and off we went.  Happy had come in.

A Clean Kitchen

Let me clarify for anyone who may be confused as to what constitutes a “clean” kitchen. 

1. ALL dished must be cleaned (either by hand or placed in the dishwasher).  They don’t have to be put away- I don’t mind if they are placed next to the sink to dry, but everything must be cleaned.  If a wine glass doesn’t fit in the dish washer, don’t leave it next to the sink dirty (or in the sink where it could break!), just wash it by hand.  If you make a cup of tea after the kitchen has been cleaned, just put your spoon and mug in the dishwasher when you are done. It’s not that hard. 

2.  ALL counter surfaces must be wiped off.  Be sure to lift any kitchen accessories stored on the counter such as knife block, toaster, coffee maker etc.  I prefer to wipe the counter first with a sponge (a different sponge than the one used for washing dishes so you don’t spread dish soap on the counter) and then with antibacterial spray and a paper towel. 

3. Wipe clean the stove top…and oven hood!  Sometimes the front of the oven needs to be wiped down too, so don’t forget to check.

4.  Empty all garbage (the idea is to have a fresh bin for the next day’s garbage). 

5. I’m not too picky about the floor, but if you feel grit on your feet, SWEEP IT already! 

6. Sink should be rinsed out and sponges squeezed (better yet, spray some antibacterial cleaner on said sponges then squeeze dry) and placed in sponge basket- do not leave lying on the sink floor soaking wet.

See, only six simple rules.  It’s not that hard and when done the right way everyone can relax and have a pleasant evening (and a fresh clean morning). 

Technorati Tags: My dream kitchen,except I'd prefer carrara marble over granite.

Seattle Science Fiction Museum

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This weekend we spend the afternoon in Seattle at the Science Fiction Museum.  The cost was $15 per person (Tristan was free) but luckily they accepted the ever-so-handy Microsoft Prime card and we got in for $5 per person.  The museum was okay, but I would have been greatly disappointed if we’d spend $45 to get in.  It was dark inside and displayed were all kids of science fiction characters and paraphernalia- most of which were really scary, so the whole time Hayden and Tristan cried (or whined depending on your level of compassion) that they were scared and wanted to “get out of here.” 

The Star Wars stuff was cool.  That’s about all I can say.  I’m more of the Barbie Museum attendee than the Sci-Fi kind.  The more fun part of the day was just spending time roaming about Seattle with Olivier and the boys, Tristan wearing his Obi-Won Kenobi costume the whole day, the delicious Nutella crepe Tristan and I shared and the dinner out at Zeek’s Pizza afterward.  Next weekend it’s off to the Doll Museum in Bellevue! (Just kidding Olivier). 

End of no TV week

Well it’s been a week (and two days) of no TV and I survived.  There were a few times I cheated, for instance, Thursday morning Hayden woke up at 1am and could not fall back asleep.  At 3:30am it was clear to me that I wasn’t going to be able to sleep either so we tip-toed into the living room and watched Prince Caspian together until 7 and then the morning news. I also cheated in the early evening a few times; when the kids went to bed I watched mindless TV for a bit just to regroup for the evening chores that were waiting for my attention.  I did keep it off at bedtime, which was a huge step forward and I was successful at keeping it off in the morning too.  Breakfast at the table with the Wall Street Journal is preferable to gagging at the horrible “news” coverage on the network morning shows.

As for the kids, they didn’t seem to notice their drop in TV allowance.  Maybe because I didn’t make a big deal of it (I didn’t say anything to them at all) I just kept their attention focused on doing other things.  We even had a couple of nice days where they played outside for a change.  It was muuuuuddy outside thus they got muuuuuddy, but I just had them strip down to their underwear before they stepped foot in the apartment.  

I can confidently state that I will keep the small changes I’ve made and continue to do better.  Maybe even one day I’ll take the TV out of our bedroom altogether!  Oh, and I can’t wait to have a house with real rooms (separate from each other- no more dining room, living room, play room, kitchen all in one room) and then have only one room specifically used for TV viewing.  It’s the little things isn’t it?

School at the kitchen table

This should have been posted back in August.

Tuesday marked the first day of school for Redmond students.  Hayden’s best friend (actually they call each other sister and brother) started kindergarten this year and I was worried that since she was going to school Hayden would want to go to “regular” school with her, so I fearfully asked him one afternoon.  He said he wanted to do home school.   Great!  Then I took it a step further and drove him to the school his friend would attend in the fall and asked him again, “do you want to go to this school with Francine, or do you want to home school?”  Again the answer was home school.  I had dodged the bullet again.  Well, when school started this week I thought it would be fun to see Francine off on the school bus on her first day but we overslept. We tried again on the second day.  We crawled out of bed at 7:45, slipped on some cozy clothes and dragged out feet to the bus stop.  On our way there Hayden said to me “I don’t want to go to school because it’s too early.”  YES, I thought to myself.  

I mention this only to highlight one of the main reasons I chose to home school; flexibility (and sleeping in).

Flexibility allows us to navigate our day our way.  We aren’t rushed in the morning to eat breakfast, get dressed, and race to get to school.  Yes, some mornings when I schedule an early doctor’s appointment we are forced to hustle, but we aren’t doing it five mornings a week. 

Another example is that if Hayden were in regular school, we wouldn’t be able to take a two month cross country road trip.  Instead we are going to home school along the way. 

And I just want to point out that while I’ve been writing this post, Hayden has sat across the kitchen table from me doing his math.  Oh, he’s done.  It’s time for spelling.

Day 2/3

Yesterday morning went better than I had expected.  I woke up and cuddled with Tristan for about 30 minutes before he “told” me to get up and come play with him.  When I protested he said “I’ll even play Barbies,”  which was a reference to my love of Barbie play when I was a kid.  Olivier was out for a walk and Hayden was playing with his R2-D2 character when Tristan and came into the living room/play room.  We ate breakfast together while I read the WSJ online and then Hayden actually did some school work (math, history and reading).  If TV had been an option, he never would have agreed to doing school work.  Another quiet morning.

I managed to make it through the day without the urge to turn on the TV (maybe because there is NOTHING on network TV on the weekend).  We were out running errands when Jacques Pepin’s cooking show was on so I missed that. Once the kids were in bed Olivier and I watched the last episode of The Tudors for season 3, but I failed to turn off the TV once it was over.  I  was too tired to read, so I watched the last 30 minutes of Law & Order and then went to bed. 

This morning was my version of heaven (or at least one version I have of heaven).  I woke up at 8am (Hayden and Tristan slept in until 8 as well!) and I had them come cuddle in my bed for a few minutes before I turned on cartoons for them.  Then I snuck out to the living room, turned on Fox News Sunday w/ Chris Wallace, started the coffee and exhaled.  I was alone with my news show and since I’d withheld TV from the kids for a few days I was uninterrupted by guilt. 

For some reason This Week was not on at 9am so I opted to talk with my mom on the phone for a bit and get dressed for the day.  With the kids still watching cartoons (PBS of course) I settled in at 10am to watch Meet the Press to complete my Sunday morning programming.  Following that we turned off the TV, made lunch and headed out to go grocery shopping. 

So, I’ll admit that going the weekend without a lot of TV is normally fairly easy; Olivier is home so we get to go out and do family things, and there isn’t much on anyway.  This week might be more challenging but maybe I’ll finish my library book!

Day 1

So I started my week-of-no-TV today and day 1 went pretty well.  Instead of watching the Today Show in my room with a bowl of cereal, I sat at the table with my laptop and read the Wall Street Journal while Tristan sat next to me.  Hayden played a math game on his Didj and we all had a nice quiet morning.  It was a nice change of pace. 

This afternoon we spent time with friends outside, so TV wasn’t even on my radar until it was time to come inside at 4pm.  I had about 30 minutes to kill before I took Hayden to chess class and what I really wanted to do was veg out in front of Oprah and eat some of the chocolate chip cookies that Tristan and I baked yesterday.  Instead however, Tristan and I sat down on the floor and put three puzzles together (and I ate blueberries). 

Now that the kids are in bed (not sure if they’re asleep yet) I am going to add one more rule for the week and that is to allow myself to watch The Tudors with Olivier (we rented it from Blockbuster and it has to be returned by Monday- so if I don’t watch it, it’s money wasted and we don’t want that now do we?).

Tomorrow is Saturday.  (long pause here).  Not sure how I’m going to handle the hysteria that will take place when I tell the kids no cartoons in the morning.  Maybe I will bribe them with an outing for chocolate croissants.

Giving Up TV for a Week

Last year a dear friend of mine challenged herself and her family to eat locally for one month.  Well, she inspired me.  Not necessarily to eat locally (Olivier watched Food,Inc. and ever since he’s jumped on my bandwagon of shopping at Whole Foods, eating locally when possible, and such), but to give up a very bad habit I have (and fear I’m passing on to my children).  Watching TV. 

I thought that when we canceled our cable I would watch less TV but that hasn’t proven to be the case.  Instead I just watch less “substantive'” shows.  Well, maybe that’s not all true.  Without cable I can’t watch the Real Housewives series (and I watched them all) which would have boosted my IQ except that I replaced it with Gossip Girls (yes, I admit it okay!). 

I don’t have an obsession with TV, it’s just easy; because that’s what I’m used to, and I worry that my children are falling into the same pattern.  So I’ve decided that we are going to give up TV for one week (baby steps) and see where it leads us.  Olivier doesn’t watch  Here are the following rules:

1. Sunday morning political talk shows are allowed and kids can watch a movie or cartoons while I’m watching those shows.

2. The new season of Lost is about to start and I will exempt that show from my no TV rule. 

3. If I need to nap in the afternoon I will allow the kids to watch a movie during that time.  It keeps them quiet and calm, hence, facilitating my much needed nap. 

4. Jacques Pepin has a new cooking show on PBS Saturday afternoons and I would like to exempt that as well. 

Otherwise, no TV.  No morning news shows, that don’t really report meaningful news anyway; no Gossip Girls, no QVC, no The View (which always makes me mad that I wasted my time watching it in the first place), no The Good Wife or 30Rock, or  re-runs of Deadliest Catch or Friends or Frasier. (I’ve seen them once, I don’t need to see them again).  You get the picture.

Even though I’m excited to see what other joys in my day appear that wouldn’t have had I kept the TV on, it’s also a little scary because I don’t want to fail at this challenge.  Wish me luck and I’ll keep you posted.  

Brave Kids

This is at a rest stop in South Dakota. Notice the rattle snake next to them in the flower bed! They are brave kids.

Two Thoughts for the Day

I tuned into AM 570 this afternoon like I normally do expecting to listen to the vernacular Merlot that is Dennis Miller, and to my unhappy surprise they have moved his show to the 3am time slot and replaced him with a local guy! It's not bad enough that they took Dr. Larua off completely, but now I'm expected to get up at 3am to listen to Dennis! What is this world coming to?

Another thought I had today was that I need to TURN OFF THE TV. I keep telling my kids they need to do something else besides watch tv, but then I find myself turning on the cartoons for them so that I can watch tv for myself. Do I really need to watch The Today Show, Rachel Ray, or The View? NO. I'm thinking about taking a week off of tv (with the excpetion of my Sunday morning news shows: Fox News w/Chris Wallace, This Week (I miss you George) and Meet the Press. No more cheesy weekday morning "news" shows, no more daytime talk shows, no more court tv, no more American Idol (which I only watch b/c Olivier loves it), no more Fraiser reruns at 11pm and....wait, when does the new season of Lost come on- I will have to include that in my exception list.

I'll keep you posted as to when I start and how it works out.

A Book Series All Parents Must Read

My son Tristan is going through his "disequilibrium" phase of his third year. People say that the terrible twos are bad but that's because they haven't been through the terrible threes yet. A book I have found that has helped me deal with and understand this age (and probably saved Tristan from emotional scaring several times) is "Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy" written by Dr. Louise Bates Ames.

She has written a series of books describing childhood development from year one through year fourteen. She describes common characteristics associated with a particular age, the theory of a child being within "equilibrium" and "disequilibrium," and techniques on how to cope/handle your child's behavior at each age. It is eye opening and heart softening. I implore all of you to read it and start enjoying your children at every stage (as hard as it is sometimes). This book series has certainly helped me embrace Tristan's (and Hayden's) difficult moments and to know that "this too shall pass."

A Worthy Note:

These books are not expensive and I recommend that you just purchase them rather than borrow them from the library or a friend because you will end up referring to them a lot. I one asked a friend if I could borrow hers and was put off when she said no, but once I bought my own I completely understood. I have read them over and over and will probably have to re-read them again once baby #3 comes along.