A New Job

There are a few things I'd like to write about (but not in too great of detail b/c that would mean I would have to actually think and write), the most pressing of which is my decision to take a part time job with Chess4Life. Hayden, my 4-year-old, takes chess classes there and it is a wonderful place; so wonderful in fact, that I want to be a part of it too. The owner and I have been discussing some future options for me but presently (I love the word presently) I'll just be working part-time. It's hard for me to picture what working outside the home will be like. Hayden is already begging me not to "go to work." I think he thinks I'll be going to work like Dad does (50 hrs/wk). Tristan, my 2-year-old, doesn't really understand yet.

Fear one: missing out on three afternoons a week of my kids life. This may not sound like a lot to many of you, but I actually have fun with Hayden and Tristan and it will be truly sad not to be spending time with them.

Fear two: the logistical hassle of going to work and maintaining a home (with two boys). Thankfully the job is in the afternoon so my mornings are free to slowly wake up, home school Hayden, read to Tristan, enjoy my coffee at my leisure, and stay in PJ's until noon. (Remind me to discuss the quandary I have about staying in PJ's all morning). Having to plan ahead for meals, snacks, craft projects, and things to keep the kids busy with while I'm gone is another logistical hassle I'm not looking forward to. I guess to some degree I already plan ahead for these things, but now it feels even more obligatory.

Fear three: what if I don't like it? I have no out b/c Hayden takes classes there. Well, I guess I can always quit, it would just be awkward.

Fear four: having even less time for social occasions, of which I'm already trying to pair down (again, please remind me to discuss the "demon of social obligation" at some point). Having less time makes me all the more covetous of my "free" time with the kids (or even myself) which makes me more inclined to reject social events outside my home. Then I feel guilty that I'm not spending time with my friends, which I want to do but my time is limited, and will be even more limited once I start working....and the cycle continues.

The upside is that I can probably justify a few new clothing purchases!

Okay, thanks for reading.