My son Tristan is going through his "disequilibrium" phase of his third year. People say that the terrible twos are bad but that's because they haven't been through the terrible threes yet. A book I have found that has helped me deal with and understand this age (and probably saved Tristan from emotional scaring several times) is "Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy" written by Dr. Louise Bates Ames.
She has written a series of books describing childhood development from year one through year fourteen. She describes common characteristics associated with a particular age, the theory of a child being within "equilibrium" and "disequilibrium," and techniques on how to cope/handle your child's behavior at each age. It is eye opening and heart softening. I implore all of you to read it and start enjoying your children at every stage (as hard as it is sometimes). This book series has certainly helped me embrace Tristan's (and Hayden's) difficult moments and to know that "this too shall pass."
A Worthy Note:
These books are not expensive and I recommend that you just purchase them rather than borrow them from the library or a friend because you will end up referring to them a lot. I one asked a friend if I could borrow hers and was put off when she said no, but once I bought my own I completely understood. I have read them over and over and will probably have to re-read them again once baby #3 comes along.
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